Quitting Writing Was Bad For My Health.

Tim Crossland-Page
4 min readMay 3, 2023

But so was Trying Too Hard.

Photo by Tony Tran on Unsplash

I was killing it. I found love. I’d quit drinking and smoking. I was writing every day. I had formed structure out of chaos.

Then I dropped writing because something or other got crazy busy (it often does).And Medium also made some changes so you couldn’t write from your phone. And I was time poor. (Most people are.)

I was working the day job six days a week. I had taken on too much in my eagerness for changes. I was on the self-improvement highway doing the 05:00 meditation, drinking more water, quitting all the bad stuff and trying to get more and more done.

But if you work a genuine job at the low rung level you are going to be tired a lot because the people above you are wringing as much out of you as possible and paying you as little as possible. Welcome to late-stage too-late-to-save Capitalism. Hurray.

And you get tired and you know how it goes. You drop one thing, then let something else slip. And you’re an all or nothing kinda person and so if you’re failing to be perfect you beat yourself up and think you can’t do any of it properly.

Pretty soon the bad habits slipped back in. The old coping mechanisms went from momentary slips to habits that once again needed to be broken.

Obviously I can’t discount the bipolar ups and downs as not entirely lending itself to that internal life of focus discipline and genuine rest. Plus a lifetime of exhausting bad mental habits that I can’t separate out entirely from the bipolar disorder. Basically it took its toll and I ended up having to take three weeks off work.

Actually it was four weeks. I caught covid…again. Tried to bounce back too quickly due to various deadlines on things…crashed out worse than when it started three weeks later.

I was sick for longer than the five to fourteen day usual. If I tried to do anything my legs went wobbly and my nervous system basically said, “I’m out!”

The GP looked at my lifestyle and sent me for a chest scan. I didn’t have a bad chest but you hit a certain age, you smoke, they will do that.